For a long time, I had convinced myself I had nothing to say. Rather, I had a lot to say, but it made my brain hurt a little bit trying to connect it all. And if I couldn’t fully understand it, how could I articulate it in a way that anybody else would? I had...
Category Archives: Our Story
All was quiet in early September 2010. The 30-year-old me, who had recently discovered her first grey hairs in the mirror, flipped through the last pages in a book on insecurity. We were four years into our wait, and I was thinking about my biggest fear right then. Missing the window. Waiting too long.Being an...
Our entire house was entirely packed up the week before boarding a one-way flight to Maui. Ten years of life and marriage and memories were neatly sorted and labeled and boxed away in a single twenty-foot storage unit. I managed to find a moment alone on that last day, just before we left our high-desert...
It’s impossible to articulate the kind of mind-wrestling that has taken place these last six weeks. The constant back-and-forth and checking in and “do we? Don’t we?” questioning and pros and cons lists. When it came down to it, we had two choices: we could believe God to make a way where there was no...
Last night was restless. Our babe was in bed with us by 10, restlessly whimpering every ten minutes from an unknown sleep-interrupter. My legs were pregnancy-restless. And my mind was moving-restless. Or maybe it was analytical-restless, taking all these mixed emotions and turning them upside down and sideways, trying to find a way to compartmentalize...
You just don’t know…your words, God’s Word, the revelations of truths I had heard a million times (I am a Preacher’s daughter) yet never comprehended. I’ve not suffered the long waiting journey of delayed fertility; I have 4 amazing young adult children. But I know where your words come from. I know the depths of aching and sorrow from delayed answers. I know the angry tears, the moments of feeling so lost that you may never find your way back, the setting aside your Bible because you just can’t….. And I know, God. Is. Good.
Thank you. For being a conduit of God’s “pull my hair back whispers” and gentle nudgings back to where it all started for me. Where I allowed the numbness to provide a layer of protection against the disappointments and the pain. Where I stopped being a conduit for those I could be reaching because I had let my well run dry and had nothing left to give.
It is a process, this coming back to the ground level of loving God and letting him love me. But He is so faithful. I am overwhelmed with his patience and grace.
I have learned more from his Word in the few months since I’ve found your blog than in all the decades I’ve been a Christian combined. Thank you Jane, for your love for God, your heart for others, and your generosity in sharing your story, the ups and the downs. I feel like we could have been friends if I had not grown up on the east coast and you on the west. You are a kindred spirit, without even knowing it, and I am thankful for you.