All was quiet in early September 2010. The 30-year-old me, who had recently discovered her first grey hairs in the mirror, flipped through the last pages in a book on insecurity. We were four years into our wait, and I was thinking about my biggest fear right then.
Missing the window.
Waiting too long.
Being an older parent.
I know someday I’ll probably look back at this and laugh because 30 is so young, I wrote. (Truth.) But the fear is still there.
The chapter I was reading referenced Psalm 112:7-8 and the person who fears God will not be afraid of evil tidings. But something funny happened – a little incident that has happened often enough over the years that I have learned to be the Spirit of God speaking right into the heart of my quiet time. I looked up the wrong verse. And it ended up being the right verse, with God joining in on the conversation I had started with Him.
Instead of reading Psalm 112:7-8, I read Psalm 113, and my eyes got wide at the sight of verse nine: “He grants the barren woman a home, like a joyful mother of children.” Right there, at that moment, God had interrupted the conversation with an “I hear your fear” and an “I see your heartache” kind of acknowledgment. And the chapter I had been reading finished up referring to the NIV version of Proverbs 31:25. It was the final “I see you” ribbon for that quiet-time morning, in direct response to the words I had just written about future laughing only minutes earlier:
she is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come
Proverbs 31:25, NIV
Fast forward nine years.
I loved every single moment of being pregnant with Jordan, and couldn’t wait to do it again. And then, with Jonathan, I didn’t love it so much. I was more tired. My body more symptomatic and uncomfortable. I thought that our family was complete and was happy not to experience pregnancy again. But there’s this thing about cliche statements – a reason why they are used so often: there’s a certain amount of truth to them. And that thing that they say happens to a woman right after she gives birth? When she suddenly remembers nothing about the dramatic ordeal her body had just endured? It happened to me, some time in those two-and-a-half-minutes between seeing Jonathan’s face for the first time and clamoring to get on the phone with the hospital kitchen to order the hamburger, french fries, and milkshake I had been craving for hours while I was relegated to chicken broth and jello.
“I would do this all over again,” I whispered aloud to nobody in particular as my tiny, unnamed babe tucked up brand new into the crook of my neck.
And so began the immediate conversation that surely upped Josh’s anxiety to a level he probably didn’t fully share with me. He was fine with two. Happy with two. Done with two. Me? I mean, I was too – fine and happy and absolutely content with our family of four. But I could also do one more. But, I didn’t want to be pregnant at 40, and time was a-tickin’.
When Jonathan was five months old, Josh made “the appointment” to get things taken care of – the earliest available was eight weeks away.
“Ok, God,” I said the next morning, “if You want to give us one more, You have two months to do it.” Little did we know, He had already done it. Two weeks later, I found out about baby number three, two days before my 39th birthday.
It’s chilly this morning. Jono woke up early – pre-6am – and I rolled over to see his big brown eyes quietly staring at me through the crib slats. Unsatisfied with the cozy bed snuggles, I scoop him up and come downstairs to let Josh sleep. The blanket is laid on the couch warm, and he is snuggled up inside of it. The coffee brews. The early morning light soft. And I think back to eleven hours ago when I saw one more plus sign on a pregnancy test. This baby isn’t even sitting up yet, and I’m pregnant with #3.
Steam dances up off the top of the mug. Morning beautiful. I turn the fireplace on in late May and wrap my hards around the coffee as I try to wrap my mind around a third baby. How does my heart have the capacity to love one more? It doesn’t seem possible. Oh, LORD, You’ve done it again. Three babes in three years. Blessed be the name of the LORD!
A funny thing has happened with telling people about this babe. The news evokes a certain joyful, “you’ve got to be kidding!” kind of laughter. Over and over and over again. And every time, I flashback to that morning in 2010 when we were four years into our wait. Back to when I was afraid of being an “old mom,” and God promised that I would laugh in the days to come. Because, as it turns out, answered prayer is marked all over with laughter. Just look at Psalm 126 – a section of Scripture I’ve referenced more than once in this sacred writing space (the most in-depth of which can be found here).
It’s a song that God’s people sang when He brought them back home from being exiled in captivity. Talk about answered prayer. “When the LORD brought back the captivity of Zion, we were like those who dream,” the psalm begins. Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing. Then they said among the nations, ‘The LORD has done great things for them.’ The LORD has done great things for us, and we are glad.”
Jordan’s story is undoubtedly one giant, miraculous, incredible answered prayer, and while Jonathan’s is indeed marked all over by the same, it is more of a story of redemption. Of God, taking some weighty things and, quite literally, redeeming the time. (You can read that story here.) Jonathan is my coming-home-with-joy story after going-out-weeping, searching for healing. He is my surely-this-is-a-dream, Psalm 126 song in human form. And this babe? Well, this one is the “then our mouths were filled with laughter” part of that same Psalm 126 song.
There has been a redemption trend that God has been writing with each babe’s story. Jordan, with his due date right around Shawna’s death anniversary, and Jonathan with the redemption of bringing a babe home to the house I spent eight years dreaming of our family in. And this last babe? Well, our third tiny one is due to arrive in early February 2020. The same month that was marked all over with an anniversary of waiting heartache year after year. The same month that we first started trying for our family at the very beginning of our ten-year journey of delayed fertility.
Oh, for the greatness of His glory.
What a blessing it has been to watch the amazing journey of God’s incredible faithfulness in your lives! I still remember praying for these babes, when you shared posts announcing each of your miracle babes growing in your womb, praying for those babes to grow healthy & strong, eagerly awaiting their birth announcements & the pure joy of watching the sweet unfolding of their lives. Praising God for His continued blessings in all of your lives & giving your family another miracle to advance His kingdom here. Thank you for allowing us to share in this incredible journey with you! ❤️
So beautiful! Crying tears of joy for your sweet family and praising God for His goodness and detailed timing. What an incredible, beautiful story He is writing with your lives.
Wow I just was so touched by your story… God bless your beautiful growing family … And thank you for sharing this heartfelt message of family and faith ❤
How beautiful your whole story is! Congratulations
Absolutely amazing what God can do…of course in his time. Many blessings on you, the fam and #3
Jane, this is incredible. I’m so happy for y’all. Praying for an easy pregnancy and to enjoy this time of growing a new life. God is so good. So happy for y’all. We second infertility journey brought us our daughter and taught me more about myself and God that anything in my life. Thank you for being so vulnerable and always sharing your heart.
So thrilled for you, darling Jane!!! I can’t wait to see you and hug you with a REAL congrats!!!
This is so so good. Congratulations! Your words in Mercy Like Morning about women who wait the longest birthing men who make a great impact is like a breath of fresh air and renewed hope to my soul. Thank you for sharing. And blessings on Baby 3! ❤️
God is indeed faithful.. I feel so blessed to have met you as God is helping me understand my wait and giving more insights on patience. God bless your sweet family
Thanks be to God for He is GOOD!!
This is truly a marvelous remarkable and God Filled story of His timing and how much he loves us!! So Happy for you and be prepared to be VERY busy!! I just had my 3rd, Maddyx Jordan, early Easter morning, and his sister is 19 months older than him and man am I a busy Mom but Oh SO Blessed too!! My oldest son is 4.5. Congrats on Party of 5. Also, I too knew after having my 2nd that we weren’t done, it’s a feeling that comes over us as Moms. I feel done now though and settled. Enjoy this last pregnancy!
“The number 3 biblically represents divine wholeness, completeness and perfection. If there ever was a desire to highlight an idea, thought, event or noteworthy figure in the Biblefor their prominence, the number 3 was used to put a divine stamp of completion or fulfillment on the subject.”
God has truly put his divine stamp on your family and is claiming His miracles and His fulfillment of the promises He gave!! Congrats!! To God be the Glory!Amen!
God gave Psalm 112 and 113 to me in a very detailed dream about 3ish years ago. I have it written down and refer to it often in my prayers. I’ve also heard Psalm 126 a bunch from a specific pastor and have meditated a lot on it. I just turned 35 and am still single but I love watching your journey and story. It fills me with so much joy. What God does for one, he can do for all. ❤️
Ohhhh and congratulations!!! 🙂
Your story also resonates with me bc I was diagnosed with cancer at 26. I love how much you love and supported your friend. Everything about your testimony, I love!
Wow! Congratulations, this is so exciting and it gives me hope for my wait. I’m 8 years in (nearing 11 years of marriage) at 36 years old but it’s so encouraging to read your story and see God’s faithfulness. He is faithful! I’m so happy for you and your family.
My heart is singing God’s praises with so much joy for the 5 of you. You writing is such a gift and your love for Jesus is so inspiring. Let the laughter continue for both of you over the months ahead, as your marvel at the miracle of your dear growing baby and your adorable boys. Blessings
Please tell me you’re due right around the time y’all started that journey 13 yrs ago… oh how good it is to see god drawing that circle.
I am!! Isn’t that amazing?? I love how God ties up all the loose ends and redeems heartache in such specific ways!