Two years ago, a friend sent an email after a barren womb conversation. Her Spirit-inspired message allowed a mix of relief, joy, and peace to wash over my weary little heart. She had asked God for a word that was just for me (and He was so faithful to give her one).

“Story,” she wrote. They were five letters that I could virtually grab onto with my five fingers, guiding the pen on my prayer journal page. With each ink scratch, my story (with included my barren womb) was being written. Now, finally, I’m brave enough to start telling it.

Never Satisfied: Proverbs 30:16 and the Barren Womb

Her email followed an emotional Sunday that included a rare moment of letting my walls down and inviting prayer in. And not my own secret whispers, either. It was prayer from other women. We were nearly four years into our wait for a family and it was the first time I had ever acknowledged the pain out loud and asked for prayer.

The pastor’s message that morning was the entirety of Proverbs 30, but I was stuck on two verses:

There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say ‘enough!’
the grave
the barren womb
the earth not satisfied with water
and the fire never says ‘enough!’
– Proverbs 30:15-16

The theme? Covetousness and how it goes hand-in-hand with not being content or satisfied with what you already do have. I sat in the crisp morning sunshine on an early October outdoor service and groused to myself inside.

That’s so unfair, I thought. The barren womb? I blamed the writer: Of course he would say the barren womb. A man can never understand what the barren womb is to a woman. The language of the verse was the same thing Hannah’s husband said to her in 1 Samuel 1, in response to her weeping, lack of appetite, and active grieving over her own barren womb.

“Aren’t I better to you than ten sons?” Elkanah said in 1 Samuel 1:8.

Soon, though, the grousing passed and guilt settled into its place because, just seconds before, we had looked at verse five.

Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.
– Proverbs 30:5

I had just been grousing over the very words that God says are pure. It was a no-win situation.

As the service ended and the people began to disperse, I found my girlfriends friends, spilled the emotional rollercoaster I had just ridden, and asked them for prayer.

“Well,” one of them said casually referencing Proverbs 30:2, “the author does begin by saying, ‘Surely I am more stupid than any man…'”

We laughed. The frustration faded. My countenance became brighter. But one truth stuck tightly through all of it. It happened before the message ever even started, when the man on the stage led the people in the crowd in song and five worship words struck one chord in my heart.

Jesus is enough for me.

As frustrating as it was to read that the barren womb is never truly satisfied, I had to admit: Agur was right. That barren womb is always crying out for more. It’s never content, and it never will be content, until it is filled and fruitful and no longer barren.

The next morning, the same friend who made the stupid man joke, sent me that email and gave me my five letter word – a word that has meant so much to me already as I’ve thought over the years how this story of mine will be told. It was especially on my mind as I drove home from the NICU a handful of months later.

There, I met a miraculous little girl whose story dramatically impacted the lives of her doctors and nurses. They didn’t know if she would even be breathing when she was born, but she came out screaming. They didn’t know if she would live or die, but her mother held a tiny stuffie throughout her labor and delivery in faith that she would live. That stuffie held tightly by a mother’s faith went to the NICU with the daughter she wasn’t sure would survive and provided her mother’s scent in a nurses’ environment. She went home weeks later, against all odds and, because of her story, more than one hospital staff member gave their lives to Jesus.

I had the privilege of telling her story with my camera through the Pictures of Hope Foundation – a charitable organization of professional photographers who provide complimentary, documentary-style, photography sessions to babies in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and their families. As I drove home from our session together, I cried, and, for the first time, the tears weren’t for what I didn’t have. They were tears of joy that came from an understanding that someday I will have my own miracle story to tell.

Through all of this waiting and all of these tears, I know: God is writing my story. And knowing that He’s doing something causes me to hope.

Hope and waiting are always intertwined. Deeply connected. It’s impossible to hope for something without waiting for it. Over and over, Scripture pushes hope.

 Let Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, be upon us, in proportion to our waiting and hoping for You.
– Psalm 33:22 AMP

Those that make God’s promises their portion may with humble boldness make them their plea. Lord, is not that the word which Thou has spoken; and wilt Thou not make it good?’ God, who had given David a promise in the Word had by His grace, wrought in him a hope in that promise and enabled him to depend upon it, and had raised his expectations of great things from it. Has God kindled in us desires towards spiritual blessings, and will He not be so kind as to satisfy those desires? He will not disappoint us.
– Matthew Henry

Thank You LORD that You are so intimately acquainted with me and with my heartache. Thank You that You see. You know. You understand. And if I wait just a while longer… You will reveal it all. The plan. The purpose. Everything.

Teach me to wait.