It’s an interesting thing growing a tiny babe after a decade of being the-woman-who-had-none, living alongside women who were outnumbered by their children.
In a way, I’m only six months into “recovery” from a decade-long heartache. Slowly beginning the process of unraveling myself from the thoughts and feelings and unspoken, screaming-inside emptiness. As He weaves this babe within, He’s weaving a new identity without. Reshaping my mind. Readjusting my thoughts.
Tonight, I attended a baby shower to celebrate another woman’s miracle. She’s experienced loss. And had never known a successful pregnancy outside of in-vitro. Until her surprise baby girl came along to join her twin brothers. Tonight, I wasn’t relieved when it came time to pray over her so that I could cry freely while no one was looking. And when women were collectively thanking the Creator-of-her-miracle for His miracle, I wasn’t silently pleading with Him for my own, wondering when my turn would finally come.
And caught in the midst of a surprising tension that comes with one foot stepping into the miracle of motherhood and the other stepping out of delayed fertility, I hugged my belly in the dark. Squeezing this little guy in a subconscious effort to remind myself that he really truly is there. And also praying that I will never, ever forget these emotional ten years. So that I can maybe help another woman-who-has-none not feel quite so alone.
I am nearly 40, fostering hoping to adopt but still longing for a child carried within. Our fostering journey has been a stressful roller coaster ride of 2 tears with virtually no end in sight. I was clinging to the hope this past week and the revealed scripture> of Treasures of darkness that the road blocks were about to be removed, but our case plan meeting yesterday revealed more. Sigh….I know I’m not handling things correctly ….my nerves are shot please pray
Thank You for your post. My husband and I were in a period of delayed fertility and prayers for our first child together for 891 days. The Lord just blessed us with our tiny miracle coming March 2017. Such a great reminder to be mindful and remember my close friends who are still waiting!