I feel a little out of sorts today, which is why I started this blog in the first place, to go back and remind myself of the shake-my-head-in-awe moments He’s given me over the last handful of years—the “of course that’s the cross-reference” moments. The “I have no words because You left me speechless” moments. God has not forgotten you.
This is still very new to me, wearing my heart on my sleeve. Actually… I take that back. I wear my heart on my sleeve fairly easily. It’s wearing my emotions that I struggle with (and this blog is one giant emotional exclamation point). These words and these very real emotions are those in-between-the-chapter moments that I always wonder about in Scripture. Like, I know the story of Sarah. I know all about her decades-long wait for a child, and I continually remind myself that those small chapters in the book of Genesis span years and years of waiting, hoping, praying, begging.
But you don’t read about the parts when Sarah’s body starts to slow down. Or when her hair begins to turn grey. You don’t see the storyline of when her wrinkles begin showing on the surface of the skin that she longs for a child to know when it is still young. You don’t read about how, with each new age-progression, she feels like she’s missed the boat. God has not forgotten you.
These writing snippets are my between-the-chapters moments. They are the mornings that I have to stop and take a breath (or five) because I’m so weary from running for so long. But I know, when I do, God stops with me. He gives me some water, allows my heart rate to slow a bit. And, once I’ve caught my breath, He pats me on the rear and sends me on my way, off to run another day.
I know the advice: try thankfulness. Think about something else. Don’t dwell on it. Renew your mind. Meditate on the promises of God. Look at what He has done instead of what He hasn’t. But those things are so much easier said than done. It’s not quite so black-and-white.
For awhile, there were a stretch of weeks that found me sitting at my quiet kitchen table time in the morning, trying desperately to do all of those renew-your-mind things, but the tears would still be flowing by the afternoon. As hard as I tried and as much as I prayed… the sorrow remained a stubborn companion I could not shake. God has not forgotten you.
One night, I found myself on the floor of my closet, in the throws of an ugly cry. I felt like I was standing in line with the rest of the world, holding a tray, and waiting for my portion of life’s helpings. One by one, the people around me were served. Then they were going back for seconds. And thirds. And fourths. And I was still standing there with an empty bowl waiting for my first serving. God has not forgotten you.
Between sobs, in the darkness of that secret place, I whispered: You’ve forgotten me.
The funny part is that my faith knew that God hadn’t forgotten me. But part of me truly felt that way, and that disconnect between faith and feelings has been one of the more difficult hurdles of this journey. God has not forgotten you.
Soon, I had no tears left to cry. I got up, washed my face, and got into bed with my phone to read my favorite devotional. And just when I thought I had no tears left, they started to fall again because after I finished whispering to God, He whispered right back. God has not forgotten you.
The devotional that evening was based on Psalm 71:20 and the promise that God, who had shown the psalmist great and severe troubles, would revive him again. And then came the words that had me bawling all over again because God answered my hidden-away prayer in a way that completely betrayed the lie of feeling forgotten: God has not forgotten you.
“Never doubt God! Never say that He has forsaken or forgotten. Never think that He is unsympathetic. He will quicken and revive again. There is always a smoother place in every skein, however tangled. Be steadfast, your labor is not in vain. God turns again and comforts. And when He does, the heart which had forgotten its Psalmody breaks out in jubilant song, as does the Psalmist: I will thank Thee. I will harp unto Thee, my lips shall sing aloud.” God has not forgotten you.
I had no words. I was entirely overwhelmed with how specifically God spoke directly to me, in a live prayer conversation that I keenly felt was only one-sided. I was incredibly humbled at how powerfully He used a devotional written years ago (and assigned to that particular day) to quickly deflate the unbelief ballooning up within me. God has not forgotten you.
I love how God speaks. God has not forgotten you.
The next morning, I got up and read another devotional for another day. God wasn’t done speaking: God has not forgotten you.
“Though leagues of distance lie between the finite creature and the infinite Creator, yet there are links uniting both. When you wipe away a tear, don’t think that God doesn’t see it. ‘As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those that fear him.’ In this way, your sigh is able to move the heart of Jehovah; your whisper can incline his ear unto you; your prayer can stay his hand; your faith can move his arm. God has not forgotten you.
Don’t think that God sits high above you, taking no account of you. Remember that however poor and needy you are, yet the Lord thinks about you. For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth to show himself strong on behalf of those whose hearts are perfect towards him.” (Charles Spurgeon) God has not forgotten you.
It’s these moments, when God helps bridge the gap between faith and feelings, that somehow make the journey easier—the moments when I realize again that He hasn’t left me alone to my own defenses after all. God has not forgotten you.
And, if that’s you, today? Please know:
God has not forgotten you, either.
“Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23) God has not forgotten you.
I love it when the lord so specifically addresses the current doubts we have. Thank-you Lord for seeing us and loving us through our doubt.
I’ve been crying for a while now reading all of the posts on this blog. Friend, I love you and I know the struggle you are going through and as we listen to what our Heavenly Father is telling us, we need to find peace and comfort. We’ve been on this road for 10+ years and it was extremely hard to get to the place of contentment and peace of what next part of the journey is going to be. Thank you for sharing your heart. The good news is that we are LOVED at all times by HIM! xoxo
Hi Jane, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your testimony and day to day experiences with God through your blog and book. I came across your plan in the bible.com app when I was feeling particularly down last year. Your writing really resonated with me and you articulated feelings that I couldn’t put in to words myself – especially when you said you had outgrown this stage of your life and you were watching others move along, one by one. After I finished the plan, I googled to see if you had written anything else and found “Mercy Like Morning”. It happened to be available in my local Christian bookstore (one of few physical Christian bookstores in Melbourne (Australia) by the way!), so I was able to purchase a copy the very same day. It has become a great companion to my bible studies and inspired in me confidence that God will (and does) join me when I seek him and study his word. I now have my own journal with treasures compiled. Anyway, I was feeling quite ho-hum last Sunday (27/9/2020), still very much in the midst of my own waiting. I decided to have a look in your blog and quickly found myself in this post. As I was reading I realized you had written it on the exact same day seven years ago! I have “Streams in the Desert” too, however this entry occurs on a different day in my copy. I felt it was a little message from God – perhaps he hasn’t forgotten me after all. And a seven year Sabbatical vintage harvest too!