It’s Monday morning. The first day of a brand new week in a brand new chapter of life and a brand new zip code.
Last week was heart-wrenching. In a good way. There’s something about packing up your entire house – all of your belongings gathered over a span of ten years – and categorizing it all. Scrawling on the side of a box with an oversized sharpie some vague description of the treasures inside. As the moving truck filled, Josh’s anxiety grew. Will it all fit? As the house emptied, my anxiety grew. Will I always remember?
A few days before, I hopped onto the USPS website to change our address. Ten simple words stopped me in my tracks:
Okay, let’s get started. Is this move permanent or temporary?
I selected the “permanent” option, then held my breath to hold back the tears as a movie reel of memories began.
Like the days right before we moved into the house and we were praying over it, room by room. And I had such a clear picture of stepping into the house from the garage. As the door opened, and I lifted my foot to step in, the ground was replaced by a beautiful sparkling sea of water. The depths of My Spirit is in this place, I heard Him whisper.
That vision is now replaced by a physical sparkling sea, right off my balcony as I type this. The depths of My Spirit is here too.
Or the time that we painted our kitchen and dining room the perfect shade of mustard yellow. I picked it for the name: First Anniversary. We moved into the house three months after our first anniversary.
This move came three months after our tenth anniversary.
I thought about setting up the office in the back bedroom when I first started my business. Then moving it to the other back bedroom a year or two later. And finally settling in the bonus room after a surprise studio conversion by my sneaky husband while I was traveling for two weeks. The back bedroom down the hall on the right… it was always supposed to be the nursery. We never talked about it. I never decorated it (either physically or in my head). It was never an official thing. But tucked away somewhere deep inside of me .. I had assigned that room.
Last Sunday, as I did the final walk through of our empty house with friends bustling downstairs loading the last of the odds and ends, painting over holes in the wall, and getting their hands dirty in good old fashioned acts of service, I snuck into that bedroom. And I sat against the wall. And acknowledged the heartache of an unfulfilled dream. The crib would go there. At that angle. And the dresser would be here. And it would be painted this color, with this rocker, and there would have been countless sleepless nights.
I didn’t stay long. There’s a slippery slope between acknowledging sorrow and wallowing in it. And then I got up. Wiped my face. Walked out. Shut the door on the empty bedroom rich with symbolism. And walked back down the dark hallway and down the stairs for the last time.
Surrendering it all again. Every single piece of it. Because the depths of His Spirit is here too. In this new place. And the joy is palpable.
Jane, I adore you. Your heart is in every word that you write, and your heart is for the Lord in such a bold and honest way. Thank you for sharing that heart.
Thanks for sharing….here is to a new beautiful chapter that only God can write! I can’t wait to watch His fruit ripen and grow in your life in your new location!
This is absolutely perfectly written. The imagery is so real and your story so close to all who read as you describe with precision your world. I had the vision of you in that back bedroom looking at it one last time with all of the hopes and dreams in your heart. May you continue to embrace your hopes and dreams as you begin this new and amazing journey ~ a journey with joy where His spirit is indeed embracing you and leading you towards His plan. I admire you and your faith and your ability to surrender. What an inspiring soul you are. Much love and prayers to you and Josh. xo
Jeremiah 29:11 ~ 1 Corinthians 2:9
I LOVED reading this. Thank you for sharing.
This made my heart swell – with the pain and grief, feeling the longing with you – but then also with JOY and ANTICIPATION for this new chapter!
Love you both so much!
So deep. “The depths of my Spirit is in this place.” Thank you for sharing your beautiful words and sweet memories. Blessings on this new move. May every step you take and thing you touch be blessed. 🙂
Jane this is beautiful, and sad, and exciting all at the same time. Love you both so much. Thank you for not being afraid to share your story.
Awe…”There’s a slippery slope between acknowledging sorrow and wallowing in it.”
Jane, This entire post is beautiful. Your words are beautiful. You are beautiful. I look forward to following your new journey as it unfolds and manifests into what is to be your destiny. Enjoy the new sparkling sea before you. I have a feeling you are about to bloom even more. Sometimes we cannot continue to do that in the same place we have been for so long regardless of how painful it is to leave those we love behind. That is what plane tickets are for… RIGHT? Sometimes we are meant to bloom elsewhere and share our gifts with new people. I say this as I too paint walls, pack, purge and label boxes with shiny silver tape and over-sized sharpies all to live a new dream in a new place with a new canvas and new vision. The mountains are calling. Hugs to you friend and to that wonderful man of yours. Amazing things lie ahead. ~N